7.23.2012



I am very much the girl who prefers to watch. Hidden behind the scenes, especially behind my camera - feels much more comfortable to me - rather than being the center of attention - which I often find myself in, despite my best efforts not to be.
But, hidden back here, I often find myself on the outside looking in, which can be lonely and isolating although quite insightful. Because what you see is quite often not what you get. I'm not the girl that wears her heart on her sleeve - no, I wear a poker face, I almost always look quite happy and quite content. But, because of that I often lose sight of what is right in front of me. Even when my gut is telling me my truth, more often than not, I talk myself out of good decisions and my own gut reactions; downplaying what I know because I don't want the truth to be the truth, if that makes any sense. Sometimes life can be ugly, and when your smack-dab in the middle of it - well, that seems to be when it happens the most. Why? Because folks, the truth hurts.
I can be a very loyal friend when I believe in something, or someone, and I often stick around long after the point when I should have bailed. But, then it kicks in and I begin glossing over the facts, sugar-coating the truth so that my heart hurts just a little less, and I can be that optimist who always sees the cup half full.
I'm not stupid. There are those moments of clarity. Those times when even I can't deny what I know, can't cover it up with anything, and when that happens, well the sadness begins. Inside the sadness however, I will have you know is a shining bright spot that I go to - remember my motto? {"Shine, even if the sun doesn't"} and it always pushes me forward as I grow and learn from the experience. Life isn't always pleasant. And we, each of us have developed our own mechanisms for how we handle the pain and sorrow and disappointments in our lives. No one way is the correct way - to each his own I say.  Yes, to each his own.

 

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